i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
