I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
