is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
