Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
