We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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