your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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