Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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