I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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