im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
