u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
