there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
