i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
