right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
