4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
