He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
