T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
