i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize