I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
