Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
