I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
