How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
