The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
