So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
