Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
