just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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