I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
