He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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