Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
