Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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