My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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