Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
