Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Girls should come with a carfax report
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
