Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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