Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
