Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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