Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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