So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
