I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
