Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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