I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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