We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize