I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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