you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
