im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
