I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.