she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
