you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
