I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
