Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed