when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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