I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
