I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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