Jerry, you need to find god
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
