he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
