I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
