I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
