i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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