My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
