I didn't shave. On purpose
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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