All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
