idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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