i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize