One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
