so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
