I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
