he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
