Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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