eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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