yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
