Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
