fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
