Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
