that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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