I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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