I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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