Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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