but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
