I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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