I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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