Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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