I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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