He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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