There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
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God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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