She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
