Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
BRING THE BAGELS
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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