he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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