i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
