Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
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you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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