If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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