I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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