I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
